Making room to grow

Growing up, I didn’t put much thought into my life. I thought the path was simple. Go to school, get good grades, and go to a good college and get a good job. I didn’t even know you had to apply to go to college! I thought you would go to the nearest one (yes, I was naive, please don’t roast me.) As I grow older, I realize things aren’t handed to me anymore. And as I continued to grow and age, I quickly realized how true that is.

During my time in college, I realized quickly that nothing would be handed to me and that I would have to take the time and put in the effort to get results. It meant that I had to grow and become a better person. Despite all of this, it wasn’t during college I decided to make room to grow. It was during COVID when I decided to take action.

Before COVID, I was barely getting through college, and to be honest I didn’t care about school. I just wanted to have fun and hang out with friends. But because of COVID we all had to spend time inside, and during that time I did a lot of self-reflection and thinking, and I realized I didn’t want to come out of COVID worse than I am now. At the time I was weighing in about 220 lbs and I was super unhealthy. I also put no effort into my part-time job or my grades. I remember sitting at my desk thinking about life, and coming to the conclusion that I didn’t want to be this person anymore. So I took action, I went on walks every day and I made time for weight training and I lost around 40 lbs. I also took my grades more seriously and since then I have been bringing all A’s with the occasional B (I was I can say I brought in all A’s, but I guess we don’t live in a fantasy.) This was the first sign of my growing.

Since then I have been working to make sure I am always growing. However, there was a time when I was struggling mentally with a few things and that also took a toll on me. Where I didn’t put in effort anymore and I was just trying to get by. Part of the reason was imposter syndrome; worrying about my future and wondering what I was going to do next. During this time I had to really put my trust in God and read and focus on his word. I also had to leave it to him and remind myself doing my best would yield the best result. And now here I am. Although there are times when imposter syndrome still affects me, it is a lot easier to tell myself things will be okay.

I now try to grow by 1% every day, learning and trying to grow my skills and learn to be patient and put in the work. While also trying to maintain relationships and taking the time for myself. Currently, my focus is on growing in my faith, my skills in my career, and learning to be better in Valorant. While sometimes I feel like I am making no progress whatsoever, I know that things will work out in the end. That is growth.